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Whatever shrubs from whatever town in whatever China.

I haven't been updating my blog like a normal emotional person would. Wouldn't a normal emotional person update his/ her blog consistently with a lot of emotional post about their daily lives and what not? Yeah, I haven't been doing that.

Hence, here I am, sitting my fat ass on this really uncomfortable plastic chair that I've been sitting on for about 6 years now that consistently gives me a backache every time I sit in front of my computer for 6 hours at one go to finish my assignments, writing this blog post to make sure that I have enough creative/ emotional output so I would not have to blow up the next time someone asks me, "How are you feeling?"

Well, in any case, if anyone ever asks me, "How are you feeling?", I think I would either (i) burst into tears or (ii) make up a lie that I'm absolutely-blooming fine and almighty.

..which is not how I'm feeling right now.

How am I feeling?

I shall do this in point form again.

How does Arthur Chia feel at the moment

ONE I'm stressed about my UCL interview as well as the unfinished assignments that they had requested me to do. The standard for Architecture punya portfolio is really high and I don't think my quality of work as of now would be sufficient for me to get admitted to UCL. That brings me to my next point.

TWO I'm starting to feel that I'm inadequate and not capable of being a good leader. Seeing people around me criticize the way other people do things, for example, I'm not the kind of a person that would do things and instead, I would just rattle on and on and on about my ideas and not putting any effort into seeing it succeed or whatever. I think that's the kind of person I am.

THREE I feel that I'm untalented. People would usually say, "OMG THAT'S SO NOT TRUE." But I know who I am and for one, being talented is not one of it. Have you ever heard of the phrase, Jack of all trades and master of none? That's me. For one, I really suck in piano. I don't take some time off to play piano at all now. I just lost my drive to do anything that I used to love doing most. Especially the thrill and joy in designing stuff. I just don't take the initiative anymore.

FOUR Exams. Oh. My. Gawd. Exams. I'm feeling the heat of exams and that's not a really cool feeling at all. Really really hot. I feel like dropping Further Maths, but I've been told from young not to easily give up on things, but yeah, I don't wanna fail, so I'm putting a rather large amount of effort in doing just that. That also brings me to my next point.

FIVE I feel friendless, again. You know how people have their really tight group of friends that you can always rely on? I don't have that group of friends. Or so I just can't see them right now. I know la, there's my normal hanging out gang that I go out with once in a while like Pikky, Dee, and Nana and there's also my classmates, which I absolutely adore watching them argue over Further Maths questions. I was really happy when they came over to my house on the 4th day of CNY when I invited them over. I should've gambled with them as well. Sigh. :) But yeah, there's more people that I want to meet, I don't know why either. Maybe I should just don't expand my social circle anymore. Maybe that's the reason why I'm feeling friendless. ._. BUT I HAVE MY FRIENDS THAT I TALK TO EVERYDAY LIKE, JUST TALKING. That makes me a tad bit happier about my life.

SIX I care too much about what other people think about me. I've heard some pretty nasty rumours about me in college, but yeah, it just hurts me so much, and I don't know why. It's to the extent that I care about what people think about me when I'm sitting alone studying in the corner of a corridor alone. They think that I'm a loser cause I have no friends with me and studying alone. That's what that goes through my head every time I see someone looking at me when I'm studying alone in the corridor. Srsly. ._.

SEVEN I suck.

EIGHT I think I also suck as a friend. As cliche as it sounds, I feel that I suck for not being there for those who needs my help the most, for whatever much that I can do for them.

NINE I just made myself feel more depressed. But I don't feel like ranting about that here.

TEN I like someone and dare not confess. Loser much.

Fudge my life.

Event organizing, being the president of an organization. I don't think I'm capable of doing any of it. I've always have been the follower and not the leader.

FMLFMLFMLFMLFML.

UNcheerioseets, arty.