masks

Masks.

The one thing that everybody has. Whether it's just a clip-on or one with strings attached, it doesn't really matter. It can be white, black, skin colour. It can be fully customised. You can be a cat, a mouse, perhaps? Or you can have emotions. Sad face, emo face, bitch face.

At times, wearing it just seems to make you happy. You can be someone else, someone better. You can change it to however you want it to be, depending on the situation. Or you can use the mask to get someone's attention, ie someone you have a crush on. Ideally, it's a mask that we put on, not knowing whether it will work out or not, just for that little change, to make you feel happier.

Wearing this mask, it makes you feel like a different person. But does wearing this mask makes you, you? I don't know anymore who I am anymore. My true personality. The way I talk. The way I walk. The things I say and do. I've changed so much, for the sake of other people. For the sake of being accepted by everybody else. But am I really who I am? What makes me Arthur Chia? I don't know, really.

If you asked me to describe myself, I can't even write a word. I tried, I failed, I gave up. It's weird. This feeling. Of not knowing how you feel. I've been feeling like this for about a year now. Sometimes, it's faint because I'm caught up doing something else. Sometimes, I just feel like locking myself in some deserted and stay there until I die.

The feeling of not knowing how to feel. You smile when he smiles. You laugh when she laughs. Or act cool as they just kept talking on and on. People say they love you, it's just a phrase expressing how they care for you. I don't know how that feels. I've forgotten every single emotion that I've felt. How does it feel to be loved, or how does it feel to be cared for. I don't know. I wish I was oblivious to everything. To be an insensitive guy so I won't care so much about things like this.

Yea, sure. EVERYBODY goes through things like this. Am I that weak of a person that I can't stand all of this? Well, fuck this. I hate this feeling so bad. I wish someone could just hold me and just let me cry.

Yes, masks. They hide a whole lot of things. Thank God for masks.