for the love of.. WHA?

Note to EVERYBODY reading this post. Your view about me will pretty much change when you read this, so decide for yourself if you wanna read it or not. I've already warned you. =)

Nyeh, I just came back from my rehearsal and photoshoot. I was having troubles posing. First I did some smiling and stuffs, found it reallllllly ugly. Then lalalala, did all boring stuffs and finally did a cute pose. XD

Anyways, I feel like ranting right now. If you don't read words like fuck or whatever, I'm sorry. Just try to skip the whole thing.

WARNING: PROFANITY. For all younger people, that includes Pei Ji and Leash and Jing and friends.

This post is for no one in particular. I just wanted to shout at something, or just scream. Cause I have a lot of issues with myself. Cause I just don't know how to love myself. So, yea.

It's my fucking turn to fucking say something. So shut the fuck up and listen.

You know what? I don't fucking care anymore. I just wanna be who I am. Who I used to be. The cheerful hyper fucking gay guy. So, fuck you all, who don't fucking accept me for who I am. I can be as fucking gay as I want, cause those are the times that I can my thought all out. Unlike now, I'm keeping so quiet it fucking hurts. I don't wanna care about what people think about me, but I for some fucking reason, I just do.

I can have my own fucking idols to idolise. I don't care if I act gay or not. It's not like I'll die or something. Basically, this is for all of you people who thinks I have to be less gay or something like that, cause right now, I don't feel like my fucking self at all. It's like I don't even know who I am. So what if I'm more to the sissy side and like things that other people don't like? Fuck that, I can choose what colours I like, or what fucking cute things that I like. It's not even bothering you. Well, if it does. Fuck off.

Right now, I have no idea how I'm gonna be my old self again. Basically, if we change once, we won't be able to go back to our ownself. Now, I'm having troubles deciding what kind of image I should put on. An innocent child? Or just a fucking kid who doesn't care much about the world, which basically is me. I wanna unleash my fun side again. I'm becoming boring-er. I can't blame people for who or what I've become. But I just don't know what to do anymore. How? How do you become yourself? What makes you YOU?

Whatever it is, I will have a lot of work for me to do. I've got those shit and all. Like fuck, I'm on a fucking quest to fucking find my fucking self. How pathetic is that? I just don't know.

That aside, I'm sorry once again for so much profanity. It's bad for health. That and I shall be blogging sloppily for a while, I'm in my can't-be-bothered mood now.

Haha, I'm so happy I've got that out now. SO, I bought this really cute thing. But I think I left it in my brother's car, or it's with Ming Hui or Joanne. Oops. xD I got this really cool figure of screws and bolts joined together, forming a guy playing a violin. For RM5. Hinode 'something' in 1U. XD Can't remember la, sorry laa, the shop wasn't good, but the things were nice. ;D

Ah, I woke up at 8 something this morning. SMSed Ming Hui and Jo to tell them what time I'm coming to fetch them and all. ;D Blah blah, fetched them and all, and decided to eat Big Apple donuts and drink water at Burger King. Alison came like 20 minutes into our wonderfully nice donuts and one cup of Coke being shared by 3 people. ;D

Anyways yea, after that, went makan-ing at some chinese restaurant. Can't even remember the place we ate at, omg. See? SEE HOW INSENSITIVE I'VE BECAME? There, blaming people again. SIGH. I'm such a troubled person.

Nyeh, anyways, after eating, decided to kill time by..

..SINGING!

Went to Song Box, I THINK. RM1 per song. Near the pool area punya. Can't remember what's it called, BUT WE HAD LOTS OF FUN. XDD HOMG, never had THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS much fun, like, EVER! XD Wow, we sang like, mad, cause the next cubicle punya damn loud. O.O Oh oh, the cubicles, had a LG LCD screen for song selection, a GIANT GIANT GIANT Widescreen TV that plays the music videos + Karaoke tapes, two chairs and two HUGEE speakers above us. I was partially deaf after that. Totally.

After alllll that singing, we proceeded for our movie. We met up with Alison and Ming Hui who APPARENTLY got seperated from us while we were walking. Before I continue, best of luck to 'em as a new couple. ;D Shh, no one was supposed to know that, but what the hell. XD We went to watch our movie, What happened in Vegas starring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. They're really good actors/ actresses(lol). Supahhh funny. Really recommended if you're really sad or whatever. =D

Left after that. Then got ready for the photoshoot. That's all. That's ALL that HAPPENED TODAY. Omfg, I'm so happy that I finally got all that shit out of my system.

Tired. Night. I hope you people out there wouldn't think badly of me or anything and just accept for who I am, or who I wanna be.

Thanks.

cheerioseets, arty.